Mental Strength & Happiness

Summary

The discussion centered on mental strength and happiness, with participants sharing personal experiences and insights. Key points included the importance of self-esteem in developing mental strength, the concept of not giving away one's power, and the correlation between emotional and mental strength. The speaker emphasized the need for intrinsic motivation, resilience, and the ability to voice disagreements. They also highlighted the negative impact of avoiding work and effort on mental strength. The session concluded with a presentation on mental strength, stressing the importance of values, emotional regulation, and a proactive approach to life's challenges.

Action Items

• [ ] Explore the book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin.

• [ ] Practice developing emotional awareness and the courage to voice disagreement when necessary.

• [ ] Cultivate the attitude of being selective about the things one cares deeply about, and not being easily influenced by external factors.

Roles

• Tom Penman: Meeting organizer and presenter

• FAI: Mentioned as a licensed counseling psychologist

• Yolanda: Mentioned as potential book counselor

• Other participants: Vivian, Abby, Anna, and Hassie (roles not specified)

Need

• Interest in learning about mental strength and happiness

• Desire to manage mental health and make it stronger

• Curiosity about others' mental frameworks for dealing with challenges and competitions

Next steps

• Tom mentioned potential future one-on-one counseling/coaching sessions

• Tom announced a future event on intrinsic motivation and exercise

Sentiment

• The overall tone of the call was positive, with participants engaging in thoughtful discussions about mental strength, happiness, and personal growth

• The presenter shared a positive perspective on life and happiness in the final part of his presentation

Pain points

• Struggling with personal issues and mental health in recent months

• Difficulty in consistently exercising every day

• Challenges in aligning thoughts, emotions, and actions

Outline

First Impressions and Expectations

• Speaker 1 welcomes Vivian to her first event and recalls her previous attendance at a meditation and chakra event.

• Speaker 2 expresses curiosity about the current event and mentions struggling with mental health issues recently.

• Speaker 1 acknowledges the importance of mental health and plans to discuss ways to strengthen it during the event.

• Speaker 1 and Speaker 2 share personal anecdotes about their physical workouts and the impact on their daily lives.

Introduction to Intrinsic Motivation and Exercise

• Speaker 1 announces an upcoming event on intrinsic motivation and exercise.

• Speaker 1 engages with Yolanda about her accountability goals and the nature of external versus intrinsic motivation.

• Speaker 1 and Speaker 3 discuss the fun of having cameras off during the event.

• Speaker 1 introduces the concept of scaffold maps and concept maps related to mental strength and virtues.

Discussion on Mental Strength and Self-Esteem

• Speaker 1 explains the relationship between self-esteem and mental strength, using a metaphor of a family tree.

• Speaker 1 outlines the purpose of the event, including plans for one-on-one counseling and coaching sessions.

• Speaker 3 shares insights on resilience, self-esteem, purpose, discipline, and learning from others' mental strengths.

• Speaker 3 gives an example of a coach who reframes challenges as opportunities, highlighting the importance of optimism.

Frameworks for Gaining Mental Strength

• Speaker 4 discusses the importance of alignment between emotions, thoughts, and actions for mental strength.

• Speaker 4 shares a personal experience of emotional conflict and the importance of rationalization.

• Speaker 4 recommends the book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin, highlighting the concept of not giving away one's power.

• Speaker 4 provides examples of situations where people give away their power and the importance of making conscious choices.

Emotional Awareness and Self-Esteem

• Speaker 5 emphasizes the correlation between emotional strength and mental strength, stressing the importance of self-awareness.

• Speaker 5 advises taking responsibility for one's emotions and the courage to speak up when necessary.

• Speaker 5 shares personal experiences of dealing with negative feedback and the importance of self-esteem in handling such situations.

• Speaker 5 concludes by practicing English fluency and hoping to have communicated effectively.

Breakout Room Guidelines and Presentation Introduction

• Speaker 1 explains the guidelines for breakout rooms, encouraging participants to join group conversations or one-on-one discussions.

• Speaker 1 prepares to present a short speech on mental strength, mentioning the use of strong language at the start.

• Speaker 1 defines mental strength as giving a lot of fucks about a few important things and never compromising on them.

• Speaker 1 emphasizes the importance of having strong values and being willing to let go of small things to focus on what matters.

Core Perspectives on Mental Strength

• Speaker 1 discusses the common perspective that work is a necessary evil and the avoidant belief that happiness is achieved by eliminating suffering.

• Speaker 1 explains the malevolent universe perspective, where life is inherently suffering, and happiness is achieved by removing pain.

• Speaker 1 argues that this perspective misrepresents how suffering is alleviated and leads to inefficient behavior.

• Speaker 1 highlights the core weakness of avoiding work and effort, leading to a desire not to know and address issues.

Reversal of Perspectives and Happiness

• Speaker 1 summarizes the core weakness of avoiding work and effort, emphasizing the importance of addressing issues consciously.

• Speaker 1 expresses frustration with the difficulty of helping people overcome this flaw and find a better way.

• Speaker 1 introduces the third part of the presentation, focusing on how it feels to be happy.

• Speaker 1 shares a personal definition of happiness, emphasizing the value of life, competence, and the excitement of living.

Conclusion and Open Discussion

• Speaker 1 concludes the presentation, inviting thoughts, comments, and questions from the participants.

• Speaker 1 encourages participants to share their perspectives and disagree if they wish.

• Speaker 1 reiterates the importance of feeling rather than just understanding mental strength and happiness.

• Speaker 1 thanks the participants and opens the floor for further discussion.

Speech

Part 1 - How it feels to have Mental Strength

The subtle art of not giving a fuck doesn’t suggest that you give no fucks, but instead, to be picky about the few fucks you give.

Mental Strength means giving a whole ton of fucks towards a few important things and never compromising on them no matter how hard things get.

This means being serious about picking the things that matter giving a fuck about, be it big things or small things, a mentally strong person cares deeply about something - whether that be their family, their life’s purpose, their country, their future or even just their health.

The mentally strong person Has Strong Values that they are not willing to give up on easily, or at all.

Everything else can go, since the mentally strong person is aligned, focused on the few things that matter they are willing to let a lot of the small things go; your partner didn’t change the toilet roll? It doesn’t matter in comparison to the importance placed on the relationship and their person that they love.

The mentally strong person isn’t swayed by social pull to accomplish other peoples values, such as regular nights drinking, because they know that a hangover impedes their quest towards their true goals and their true happiness; being a loving parent (for instance)

The mentally strong person experiences all the emotions that everyone else does, but they do not wallow in sadness, they are driven to overcome problems because the focus is on the betterment of their lives, they expend effort to dial down useless negative emotions and dial up positive ones that assist in regaining confidence such as gratefulness and pride.

The mentally strong person has the courage and integrity to stand up for their beliefs, they do not accept other peoples theories just because it would be easier than judging for themselves or saying “I disagree”.

If you want to be mentally strong, it is fundamentally important to have a independent mind, one that is not easily pushed and pulled by emotion or authority. You are the authority over what is true or false. You are the final authority over your emotional state and which theories you choose to believe.

To be mentally strong means looking at the hard facts of life, especially any rationalizations - which are justifications for behaviour after the fact, rather than decisions based on reasons. It means taking full responsibility for everything that happens in your life even when it doesn’t seem like it’s your fault, because, as an adult, somewhere along the line you made a choice to be where you are and who you are.

Being mentally strong means thinking back to how you could and should have improved your behaviour to prevent negative outcomes, and demanding of yourself to grow from this experience so that it can never ever happen to you again.

Being mentally strong means taking your whole life into perspective by projecting your state of happiness forwards in time, such as to accomplish goals in 10 years or achieving a certain quality of life when you’re older.

Part 2 - The Core Perspective that limits Mental Strength

There are two main perspectives on work, the one above, and the most common one; which is that work is a necessary evil, it’s what you have to do to survive. 

The belief underlying this perspective is that the goal of life is the elimination of suffering, this is how a person can find happiness. This is the Avoidant belief.

This perspective implies that happiness is achieved via a negative, namely the removal of pain.

But pain, just as happiness are emotional responses to values, removing pain means relinquishing values via the renouncement of values or of even the attempt to discover them.

There is no need to be mentally strong if this is your perspective, because you cannot value an absence, once you ‘achieve’ renouncing it, there is nowhere to go.

This perspective fundamentally misrepresents how suffering is actually alleviated, E.g. Comfort, Quality of Life, Convenience, Valuing Yourself more than the people who drain you.

These things are of value, because these things are representatives of the conceptual answer to the basic flaw in the avoidant’s belief; That everything has specific identity, including abstract concepts such as the removal of negative circumstances. 

But the focus remains twisted, obscured, and so the behaviour towards achieving the value of comfort is also misdirected, inefficient, short-sighted.

Going deeper, the problem seems to be with the fear of giving oneself more work to do, and so they experience a blanking out, a choice not to think about a certain issue, to avoid it by letting it remain in the subconscious instead of bringing it to the forefront of one’s mind and addressing it with conscious effort.

The perspective that thinking means effort and effort is bad, whether it be an unfortunate ignorance or a willful avoidance, I believe this is the core of the weakness surrounding many people; the desire not to know.

Part 3 - How it feels to be Happy

The world is a good place to live in, there are new technological advancements that subtly improve your life everyday. You live in the greatest period of human history, the highest quality of life mankind has ever known and the greatest opportunities, and while the best is yet to come, you’re part of the great human endeavor to make life on Earth and beyond a better and better place to live.

You know that your life is inherently valuable and that you are a good person who is trying to be a good person. Deep down, all human beings have some inherent goodness, even those that do wrong.

You’re excited to wake up because life is worth living, the goodness today is only surmounted by the goodness tomorrow and the next day and the next, your life is getting better over the long term because you’re getting better at life. The future is something you can’t wait to experience!

Your work is meaningful because you have chosen for it to be. It feels good to be good at your job, you’re competent at what you do and are capable of learning new things, so if this opportunity doesn’t pan out you can easily find another, you know what they’re looking for.

You like yourself, and you do good things for yourself like eating well and exercising, you know that you’re a catch because you’re genuinely happy and can share that happiness with another.

You’re not afraid of life, you’re afraid not to live it. Life is like an immense puzzle and you’re able to connect the dots.